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A huge question on every parent’s mind is how to teach their child right from wrong. Some parents find that their first child may be as good as gold, but are having a hard time with their younger children. Others are just worried that while their child behaves perfectly, they don’t understand the deeper meanings of right and wrong. Well, first of all, don’t panic. There are many ways of increasing your chances of your child knowing the difference between right and wrong.
The first thing to do is not to rush them. A child aged 2-4 can understand simple and firm ‘no’s. Instead of giving them a deep explanation of why they are not allowed a certain toy, or why they must eat their dinner, give them simple rewards and punishments such as gaining or losing your attention.
When the child is a bit older you can use praise as a way of showing them how well they have done. They will begin to understand truthfulness and sharing after age 4 and also develop a need to be liked by others. Find ways of demonstrating how a truthful and generous person has lots of friends. Books can often be a great resource at this age to reinforce values you find important.
The best way to teach is through example and this is never as true as in this situation. Children pick up on behaviour far more than words, so show them what values you hold dear by practising them. Don’t let them see or hear you telling a lie or shouting at your partner. Try to reinforce positive actions you are making with a little explanation, for example, when you give money to charity let them see what you are doing and tell them you want to help other people be as happy as you are. If your child is interested you can give them the money and let them place it in the charity box with a big clap afterwards.
Some parents advise to have a goal in mind while you are teaching your children. Categorise values you hold extremely important, and others which could be wavered. As your child grows up they will form their own set of values and morals and will question a lot of what they have been taught when they become a teenager. Thanks to outside influences, they will face moral dilemmas throughout school and as a parent you should let them make decisions on their own and hope that they do the right thing! Remember what you are hoping to achieve is always for your child to be able to make moral decisions on their own when there isn’t going to be an immediate reward or punishment.
Remember, if your children see you acting in a way that they admire, they will imitate you. Even when rebelling as a teenager, they should retain the deeper issues such as right and wrong while they explore their opinions on other values which they have been taught.
If you are worried about your child, don’t feel alone, talk it through with someone, share experiences of what worked and what didn’t and think back to your own childhood. Good luck!